Upside Down from the Great Pretend
Father, God, I come before you this morning in fear and trembling. Fear—because I know there is no One like You. Trembling—because I am aware of Your holiness, which makes me more aware of the fact that I am not holy.
I can’t pretend to love You like You love me. There is nothing within me that is holy. There is no good thing within me. Not my nature. Not my thoughts. Not anything I say or do. There is no reason that I can fathom why You love me. But You do.
I can’t pretend to know about Your goodness. The things of this world are so bad and ugly. And yet I allow them to cloud my mind, my thoughts, my attitude. I allow them to entertain me. I cannot seem to keep them from me. Oh Father, take these thoughts and desires away and replace them with Your goodness, Your faithfulness, Your mercy, Your love. There is no reason that I can fathom why You even care for me. But You do.
I can’t pretend that I know You as I should. With You there is no “pretend”. With You there is no fake. And therein is the problem. We humans love to pretend. We love appearances—sometimes solely for appearance’ sake. We love to look so good and perfect on the outside. We love to live in the nicest houses and drive the best cars and do the greatest this and that. We love to pretend that we're great and everything is alright. We love to look like we have it all together.
Why can’t we just love You? Why can’t I just love You instead of pretending to be someone I am not?
With You, all “pretend” falls to the ground like ashes when a strong wind is blowing. I believe You love beauty. I mean, how else could one explain all the beauty in the world that You created! But You don’t like “appearances”. With You there is no pretend—I mean, You can see the truth anyway, so why do I even try? You want me in the most raw, unfiltered, unclean, unadulterated, unclothed, uncultured, unlovely, unbiased, unconditioned, unpretentious, unruly state possible.
Why is it so hard for me to “get” there and "get" that? Why does my humanness so often get in the way of Your holiness?
You want to get to the bottom of who I really am—the one I try so hard not to be. The one I try so hard not to let others see—for if they do, they surely will not love me. But You do.
I know that because of all Your holiness, You cannot look on any unclean thing. That is why You provided Your holy Son, Your amazing sacrifice. That is why Your kingdom is something upside down from the Great Pretend. I don’t know why You made it this way. But You do.
I love You (in whatever way I can today, with all that I am today and may become tomorrow, with all the holiness You have that You daily try to instill in me). Amen
Your daughter,
Melissa
6-3-08
I can’t pretend to love You like You love me. There is nothing within me that is holy. There is no good thing within me. Not my nature. Not my thoughts. Not anything I say or do. There is no reason that I can fathom why You love me. But You do.
I can’t pretend to know about Your goodness. The things of this world are so bad and ugly. And yet I allow them to cloud my mind, my thoughts, my attitude. I allow them to entertain me. I cannot seem to keep them from me. Oh Father, take these thoughts and desires away and replace them with Your goodness, Your faithfulness, Your mercy, Your love. There is no reason that I can fathom why You even care for me. But You do.
I can’t pretend that I know You as I should. With You there is no “pretend”. With You there is no fake. And therein is the problem. We humans love to pretend. We love appearances—sometimes solely for appearance’ sake. We love to look so good and perfect on the outside. We love to live in the nicest houses and drive the best cars and do the greatest this and that. We love to pretend that we're great and everything is alright. We love to look like we have it all together.
Why can’t we just love You? Why can’t I just love You instead of pretending to be someone I am not?
With You, all “pretend” falls to the ground like ashes when a strong wind is blowing. I believe You love beauty. I mean, how else could one explain all the beauty in the world that You created! But You don’t like “appearances”. With You there is no pretend—I mean, You can see the truth anyway, so why do I even try? You want me in the most raw, unfiltered, unclean, unadulterated, unclothed, uncultured, unlovely, unbiased, unconditioned, unpretentious, unruly state possible.
Why is it so hard for me to “get” there and "get" that? Why does my humanness so often get in the way of Your holiness?
You want to get to the bottom of who I really am—the one I try so hard not to be. The one I try so hard not to let others see—for if they do, they surely will not love me. But You do.
I know that because of all Your holiness, You cannot look on any unclean thing. That is why You provided Your holy Son, Your amazing sacrifice. That is why Your kingdom is something upside down from the Great Pretend. I don’t know why You made it this way. But You do.
I love You (in whatever way I can today, with all that I am today and may become tomorrow, with all the holiness You have that You daily try to instill in me). Amen
Your daughter,
Melissa
6-3-08
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