What I Learned About God in 2009 (written 12-31-09)

Dear Lord,

Thank you for 2009. It has taught me so many things about You. I have learned that You are near to those who seek You. You delight in bringing surprises to Your children. I have learned that even in difficult circumstances, You are with me. When the bottom seems like it's about to drop out, You are the safety net. When things are in total chaos, You are there, being that still, small voice that says, "Peace, be still".

When I'm in need, You provide.

When I need a lead, You guide.

When life throws a curve ball, You're at the bat and hit it right out of the park.

I have learned it's OK to dance before You.

It's OK to laugh.

It's OK to cry.

Dreams can be alive; but it's OK when they die.

I'm not always right and it's OK to be wrong.

You are music. You are song. You are wide. You are long.

It's OK to not know what to do or seem to have it altogether.

You are love. You are deep. You're there with me when I can't sleep.

You want an intimate relationship with me—the kind that David Crowder Band sings about. I'm trying.

You are there with me even when I don't finish a project or finish reading my books. You don't judge; You love.

When I feel inadequate, I know You are adequate and that I can be more than adequate if I put my hope and trust in You.

I've learned that I can't be a good wife to my husband if I don't have help from You.

I've learned that I can't be a good mother to my step-son if I don't have help from You.

I've learned that sometimes You heal—and in my case, sometimes You don't (or haven't yet). But I will continue to ask, seek, and knock.

I've learned that tough times and difficulties are for seasons and that You want me to persevere and lean on You.

I've learned that You listen, even when I think You haven't heard my cries for help.

I've learned that sometimes distance is the best way to save a friendship.

I've also learned that family and friends are dear and can draw me closer to You. I've received repeated blessings this year through reunions with old friends and deeper relationships with others.

I've learned that when my friend or family member hurts, so do I.

I've learned that I need You more and more. I get so fearful and feel hugely inadequate. But You teach me, through Your Word and Your servants, that You are my sufficiency, my supply, my courage, my strength.

I've learned that sometimes the best word is to say nothing at all, but to just "be".

I've learned that Your love is like nothing on earth.

You've revealed my selfishness, my loneliness, my utter helplessness—the darkness that is still in my life. God, shed Your light. Remove it. I want to reflect Your glory.

I look forward to Twenty-Ten with hope.